Fire in the water

“Dad, I’m off to Yusuf’s. as usual.” I texted him.  Every Tuesday I would go to Yusuf’s for tutoring from 3 to 5pm. This is an advantage of being the smart kid, not only people know you, but the parents actually pay you to teach their kids! Though, I’ve quit tutoring Yusuf and friends last week. I figure, it’s time to be serious with my choice of life, so I enroll myself in the prestigious Yamaha Music School. I take up New Electone Study Course for a year, which I have to pay RM399 for a term. That’s a lot of money for a teenager but thanks for the money I got from tutoring and working at the KFC during last year school holidays, I am able to pay the fees. So, basically, I lied to my father about going to Yusuf’s and I secretly going to Yamaha Music Course. To be honest, I don’t feel any sense of guilt. I actually feel very…..content. It feels like I am a grown man living on his own. Independent. No expectation to reach, just ambition, my ambition. I take a bus to the Yamaha School. I waited for the bus an hour for a 20 minutes journey to the school. Public transport is one of the many problems in Malaysia, but for the love of music, I am ever ready.

The 3 hour long lesson ended, but it felt like it has only been an hour long. ‘Damn, I’m hungry.’ I straight away went to the mamak stall and order my food and drinks. While sipping my drink, a girl suddenly sit in front of me. What the hell? “Hai. I’m Ivy.” She said. “Hye, I’m Kay.” I said. She is a very interesting girl, not beautiful, but interesting. She has her nail polished grey in colour, wearing all black, with a red beanie loosely put on her head while holding a violin case. Violinist….awesome.

Ivy          : So, you study there too, huh? *while pointing at the Yamaha School*

Kay         : Yea, I took up New Electone Course. So, I guess you study violin?

Ivy          :Yea, it’s my first love.

Kay         : No offence, but looking at your dressing style, you look like a girl who can rock an electric  guitar or drums. Most of the violinist are very classy and elegant but you….you are more like a gothic violinist. Hahahahaha..

………………..I’m laughing.She’s not………………………..

Ivy          : Yea, you’re not the first to say that. So, you mind if I join you?

Kay         : No, absolutely. Mamak! Order!

45 minutes later………

Ivy checks her bag to find her purse as she’s leaving. Then, she said,

Ivy          : oh shit, I left my purse. Damn it!

‘oh hell no you gonna make me pay for your meal’ I thought to myself. I just sit there silently, hoping that she would find any scrap of money on her torn-jean pocket.

5 minutes went by and she still could not find any money on any of her pockets. Now, she’s making a baby face. I know what coming up next. In the most feminine voice, she said “can you please pay for my meal. I swear next week I’ll pay you back!” When a girl begs you, with that voice, any guy would sympathize. So, I said yes. I ordered roti canai kosong and she….she ordered ayam tandoori with choc milkshake. Perfect. There goes my RM10.

When I arrived home, it’s almost 7pm and I can see dad’s car on the porch. I bet he’s gonna nag at will be asking way too many question. I walk with the slightest step, hoping he wouldn’t aware of me coming back home late. “Kay!” dad calls from the tv area. “ Yeah dad. I’m sorry I’m late. Yusuf just keep on asking me these really hard questions. So now, I just want to take a shower and…” Before I could finish my excuse, he yelled”Kay!” GULP! “There’s someone you have to meet.” I walked down the stairs and at the living area, I saw a woman wear a pitch tudung with a man.  A cute chubby little girl sits adorably in her lap. Oh my god. She’s back!

Fire in the water

I hold my breath and eventually I got comfortable with the circumstances. I open my eyes and see nothing but water. You see, there’s something about being underwater that makes me feel ‘included’, like accepted and firmly believes that being beneath the water surface, is where my real home is. I’ve hold my breath for a long time but still felt at ease. I don’t want to go back to reality; I just want to be in here even if it means to give my soul away. PPAAP! Someone hit my head with a fishnet. “Are you a fish, son?” I answered with a simple no. “Then stop behaving like one. Grab a book and study. Your SPM is only 8months away. Get a straight A’s and you off to London for 4 years.” Dad said. My dad, Professor James Ignatious Alkin, is a renowned economist that used to work with great Malaysian economist, such as Datuk Idris Jala.  He was the first Indian lecturer to teach economic in School of Economy London, and that is where he will be sending me. I am good with economy, in fact I’m good with numbers. I never got least than an A for math, add math, economy or even account. Though, that doesn’t mean I have a ‘thing’ for numbers. I really don’t. I have a passion in music, any kind of music and I like swimming. Whenever I feel like escaping the reality, I’ll play the piano or swim. 

 People say, you can’t run from the truth, you have to face it like a real man. So, I did and in return I got a deep chilling stare by my father. “Kay Gregory Alkin. 17years old and still living with parents but already decide how your future going to be? So, you want to pursue music instead of economy. Tell me son, how much a decent musician in Malaysia, wage for a month? Tell me.” My dad asked. I replied “I don’t know father.” With a cynical smile on his face, he said “indeed. You don’t even know the basic thing about being a painter and yet you dare enough to come here and say to my face about your idiotic dream. You think you are matured enough but you are wrong, son and it is proven today.” My dad paused. The world, well at least, in my dad home office was somehow looks scary by the time.  The silent broken with dad saying these hurtful words “If your mother is still alive, she would have been disappointed with you.” Without any hesitation I said,”if she’s still here, she would only want to see me happy, and the only thing that makes me happy is painting.” I dare not to even look at his face. He stomped the table. It sounded like a nail being hammered to the wall. Slowly, he stood. His big figure plus with a dark, rigid room filled with books, makes me like a prey of his. With a deep, husky voice he said, “Get out of my room, you insolent child.”

That was a month ago, but the impact will last for years. The discussion was short but it cuts deep in my heart. My mother would only want the best for me, and she knows what the best is for me. Unfortunately, she died when I was 12 after a 10 year long battling with cervical cancer. She was the melody of the house. She always played the piano with a broad smile accompanying her. She is addicted to smile. Wherever she goes, she always spread a smile and everyone will automatically smiled back to her as her smile is contagious. Rain or shine, she will always be the ‘sunshine’. Now that she’s gone, the house seems gloomy all the time.

I and my father always argued especially since we lost the ‘melody’ of the house. I always think it is because we have different personality but mother disagree. In fact she thinks the main reason why we always argue is because we have the same personality, which is egoistic and stubborn. We always know what we want and how we want it to be. She always said “If either one of you is more considerate towards each other, the house wouldn’t be like a battlefield! A fire can only be pulled out with water, son.” Sorry mother, but I refused to be ‘water’. In this case, I am the fire and it will continue ignite until I get what I want.

to be continued........

much better

it's better to forget you rather than to endure this pain


oh yeah, my fake smile is getting prettier and more natural. am  not gonna be surprised if one day my fake and original smile is no longer distinguishable.

keep on smilling even it means nothing. after all, senyum itu sedekah.

again, my blog acts as a diary of a black-hole heart. you can always make a research on it, but u can never understand it. you'll find nothing as this super-massice black-hole heart can vacuumed all sorts of emotions, feelings in one time.

stop stipulating. stop making hypothesis. as you will still find nothing. there's a hole and you can never find the perfect patch.

but still, i'm smilling. senyum tu kan sedekah.

izinkan saya mencarut

people lie.

they make you smile and the next day they hit you with a hammer in your face.

help?

yea, they provide that.

doubt the sincererity though.

what you expect?

they gonna cry their hearts out for you,

stop it man.

this is no cindarella or bedtime stories,

this is life,

if u fall,

listen to a few motivating songs and get your feet back on thhe ground

cause to be honest, you are stupid to be thinking everybody cares about your feelings

as they too have their own fucking problems.

yea they may say, "saba beb,ingat, i love u"

yea yea yea been through that inspirational moment

shit.

you are killing me with your fake smile,

now that's the best weapon in the world.

I thought i'm mature enough to handle this stuff,

proven wrong today.

excuses aren't acceptable today.

be honest for a day to yourself.

you never really care, do you?

shit.

it was not meant to be a question.

you never really care.

yea, whatever.

listen to 'fix you' by coldplay and you know what i mean.

syukur

syukur Alhamdulillah. for everything.

to be honest,

salam and peace,

all religion ever existed encourages we, humankind to do good deeds and be honest. But from what I've observed, honesty is to be scarcely found embedded in one's soul. As we grow older, we are being more and more hypocrite, perhaps because we are being more fearful as we aged.

Fear being regarded as weird,
Fear of rejection,
Fear to be ourself.

Kids fear less. But most of all, they are not fear to be themselves.

to be honest, I hate it when a person try to change me,
to be honest, I hate it when you say I'm too nice,
to be honest, I like to walk alone,
to be honest, I don't like to be asked for every step I take
to be honest, I like to  swear,
to be honest, I'm not a good driver,
to be honest, I don't care if I can live up to your expextation,
to be honest, I hate sweet talkers,
to be honest, I barely believe in friendship

on top of that,
to be honest, I love being honest.

oh yea, to be honest, I don't care if anyone is offended by this post.

umur saya tiga belas tahun

nama saya norsyafikah bt mohd nasir.

saya berasal dari kepong,kuala lumpur

umur saya sembilan belas tahun.

tapi, bila saya jumpa kawan baik saya masa zaman sekolah,

saya terus jadi tiga belas tahun.

mulut saya jadi macam machine gun!

asyik nak muntahkan peluru aje.

bila saya jumpa kawan baik sekolah saya,

saya lupa yg saya ni dah baligh,

saya lupa yg saya kena jaga adab wanita,

saya ter-over,

saya kelakar,

saya berani,

saya mulut celupar,

saya gedik,

bila dengan diorang, itulah diri saya.

eh kwn lama! korang wujudkan balik diri aku yg selama ni m'hilang.

eh tau tak! aku rasa cam kita 3 je wujud dlm dunia ini bila kita jalan sama2.

terlupa sebentar populasi dunia berbilion.

apa lg nak ckp?

aku syg korang la sengal.

Jieja hotstuff, blk cepat. aku rindu n syg ko tau.

yea yea whatever, talk to the hand.

bye sayangs.

I feel so me

salam and peace y'all =)

To be honest, I feel quite lonely since starting degree despite been surrounded by a crowd. I never felt this loneliness in Asasi, maybe because I have Ain. Even though I walk alone to the mall, I felt at peace and not a bit of boredom cause I know I have bff in the bedroom to spent the whole night talking crap.

But that was during Asasi.  Those beautiful memories,man. haih..

One day, I just couldn't bare this feeling, so I plan to have a dinner with my friend and Asasi classmate, Afiqah. The reason why is not because she's a close friend of mine, but I know she'll understand what I feel for she also got separated (physically) from her bff. It turned out that she felt even worse than me by not having her bff by her side. No need the details la.

I can see that she's really listening to my whining,sadness and loneliness and she too felt the same way. It is the first time in months that I feel so comfortable to just talk things that i kept deeply in my heart. Some people assume that i'm a little bit WEIRD (i wonder why) but in a good way. To make it sound nicer, they said, UNIQUE. yo lah tu. But that night, I'm pretty sure I just be me and it felt so me. hahaha wattaheck.

So thanks fiqa for the dinner and the talk. I feel so me talking to you that night.

p/s: my comment on youtube on the video vanilla twilight by owl city got the highest thumbs up! OMG

Eh! sape kentut? eeww....!!

Salam and peace,

i bet the title alone brings a smile on your face. No? gile depress anda ni. Ok! Back to topic.

KENTUT..! sape tak pernah kentut mmg penipu la...atau pn org tu b'penyakit. Model ke miss world ke, the hot Justin bieber pn of course pernah kentut. But, we all are very shy about it kan..?  WHY WHY WHY? cuba tanya org sebelah, or even ask your parents, kenapa kita malu sgt ngan kentut? ok,i'm not making any sense now.

Secara tiba2 hati ini teringin nak ckp psl kentut *e'hem*

So, now I'm gonna insert a bit of facts about our 'hobby', i mean mystery. hehehe

WHERE DOES FART COMES FROM? *uhh...thats a mystery*

It is actually a gas comes from our intestine, which comes from various sources, e.g :-
   1.air we swallow (based on a website, *swallow* ye
   2.gas produced by chemical reaction in our guts
   3.gas produced by bacteria living in our guts

WHAT MAKES FART STINKS? *uuhh...i wonder y*

 The more sulfur -rich your diet, the more it will stink.
Food such as cauliflower,eggs and meat are the main cause of stinky fart.......so what did u eat today?...*smirk*

WHAT THINGS OTHER THAN DIET CAN MAKE A PERSON FART MORE THAN USUAL?

Ppl who swallow air more than they could. This can be prevented by chewing your mouth closed, eating slowly and not gulping food or liquid.

Ppl who swallow more air? huh?
 1. smokers
 2. chewing gum-mers
 3. carbonated drink-ers
 4. nervous ppl because less air is absorbed out of intestine.

IS IT POSSIBLE TO BURN A FART?

The answer in YES. Why? because they contain methane(sometimes) and hydrogen. These two gases are flammable. It may burn with yellow or blue flame

Jadi, itulah fakta2 yg dpt diriku kumpulkan. Byk lg, tp cam geli la plak nak tulis. You guys mesti lg curious about fart after reading this post kan? wanna learn more, check out http://www.heptune.com/farts.html.

Sure punya, segala misteri selama 20 thn korg hidup akan terjawab dengan puas hati yg teramat!

Happy farting =)

 

Be my valentine, vampire

Be my valentine vampire

And I shall give you my blood,

Entirely,

Set me free,

world has been harsh to me,

Fake smiles doesn't seem to work,

Optimism won't stay long on my mind,

And so, pesimism occur and reoccur,

My mind,body and soul can barely react,

slowly fading, dissapearing from reality,

barely exist in the chaotic madness of surrounding,

So pls, be my valentine vampire.

the norms of life..... kan?

Mr Fate wouldn't always be on your side

Mr Right might not be knocking at the right time

Mr Devil will always poke you with his horns straight to your heart

The sweet angels will always try to back you up from Mr Devil's act

and that welcomes Miss Smile on the scene.

Good or evil? You choose.After all, it is the reason why we have heart. Tepuklah dada,tanya selera

Salam and peace.
 
Have a nice day =)

when boredom hits your forehead BIG TIME

Salam and peace peeps, (uuhh,that rhymes)

ok, first of all, i don't even understand this title.So, those who have superb English command outhere, I;m sorry to insult the language that you seem to be good at. *ok, i think i still got some grammatical error with that sentence...ok,i said ok too much*

So, as usual, my days went pretty bored, classes, holidays and all. Without astro, it gets more boring. Syukur Alhamdulillah i got broadband and laptop. With the presence of these superb invention, my chinese new year  holiday went pretty cool. Thanks to the excessive time and energy wasted on Youtube.Quite depressing holidays you may say. Well, i've got no choice, since I have been moving to a new house in a new area and a new state. So, if you want to go out mingle with friends, you got to have a car.

As in my case, i don't have one. And if I do, it might turn out to be a disastrous journey. *you know what i mean lah*

So,  I have been thinking, what if I don't have a laptop or even a TV? What if I lived in the 50s or 60s?
No superb high-tech, no handphones, komuter,no mp3, very few public tranportation and of course no facebook(duhh).

Try imagine, just for a week, you could only watch TV for an hour, use the laptop or computer only for educational purposes and you and the whole family are to cook everyday, EVERYBODY COOKS EVERYDAY. and oh yea, no mp3, playstation or any technology that have been created (i'm not well-updated with tech yea)

.........................DAH BAYANGKAN?................................

so, is it a scary, boring or a wonderful imigination?

This is what Oprah have done to a family through a programme. (unfortunately, I've forgotten the name of the programme). As i was saying, through her show, she make a reality programme show with an aim to lessen  the badget of of an ordinary family, on which turn out to be lessen the usage of technology.

At first, the family started bad, they all went well,more like crazy for not being able to do what they normally do, which is watching tv and surf the net. For the boys, it seems like they have lost their virginity to an old crazy woman for not being able to listen to their mp3 and their everyday routines of playing the playstation. The girls are not anyway better too, without their computers and tv, it seems like they are living corpse.
Pity them.

As days went by, the last day of the show finally arrived. They feel nothing but thrilled *can u imagine a week without facebook!OMG that's a record*

Little that they realised, they have achieved more than just a lower electric bill, their family bond are closer than before. They have more time to talk to each other.Talk,laugh and eat.

Just by having more time doing just that with your own family, you actually learned to know and understand better about your family members.You know, there are times that we keep secrets from our own family and all, we unintentionally lost the chemistry between we and our own siblings, so try  this for a week and trust me, you will feel the change.


I know I am nobody to be talking about family,psychology and stuff but, at least I'm trying to get closer with my own sisters with my own way. Parents? I'm already glued to them,so I don't have to even bother trying.
I know they won't be reading this *that's why i have the guts to just say this* but I love you women so much and hope that the four of us (including my brother) got to be as close as we used to be. To be honest, I can't even crack jokes with my eldest sister. Most probably because I'm scared of her. I hope one day,this awkward feeling between the two of us will be blown away, like birds flying freely to that beautiful sunnn, between clouds*wattaheck*

Oh crap, I just realised that my post have nothing to do with the title. well....until then..

Fireflies-Owl City music video w/ lyrics

Slm and peace =)
baiklah,i know the song above is like ancient song*propa la* for some of u guys out there. tapi!
pernahkah anda sekalian benar2 memahami maksud lagu tersebut? xkan? so, that's y i posted this vid
on my blog untuk....*still blur ke*.....untuk.....*teka la teka la*.......*any idea?*....*bulb light any1?*..

ok, cut the crap.

ntuk memahami lagu ni la. haha ok la,*serious face on* i believe that every songs ever created in this world is an opinion and views of the lyricist.

and the 1st time, i heard in this song,*ntah bile*, hati ku tertarik dgn kecomelan lagu ni. hehe..
tomei angat ( quote org2 comel)

seriously, 1st time dgr, rse cam lagu ni sgt pelik sbb musabab;-
a)tajuk pelik
b)videoclip pelik
c)stagename pn pelik
d)for godsake,tunjuk la muka anda wahai penyanyi.

BUT! me like so much!!
oh yea, after watching this vid yg disertakan sekali ngan lirik, i still could't understand a thing about this song.
me :dude, are u a bug lover or something?
owlcity: lalala~i like to make myself believe~lalala

hhmmm....apa2 pn lagu ni best, music mmg t'baik! lain drpd lain.
whoever knows what this song is all about, PLEASE, tell meeeeeeeeee........its like a mystery to me.
till then, arios =)

eagle

EAGLE. you know what's interesting about them? They are predators, scared by the other birds, fly way up. Just spread their wings,feathers and they are feets way up than we,humankind. FOODS? not a prob for them as preys for them are anything that they possibly can get on the ground.
                   
                Sit for a while on a tree,
                       observe,
                          stare,
                           aim,
                     SNAPPPP!!
                           
and they got what they want.

you see, we are animal not. But there are loads of things that we san learn from them. kan Tuhan cipta makhlukNYA untuk saling mempelajari?

Eagles are free, from fear. We, are succumb by fear.
Eagles are in the wild.We, are in the concrete jungle.
Eagles don't go flock with their own species.We, are bound with ties.
Eagles, travel with their own risk.We, walk with tool-kit in our backpacks.

Eagles,animal.We are human.

There are just,of course, too many differences between eagles and we human. We are way too complex than them due to our fist-sized brain, capabilities,emotions, fear and of course responsibilities that Allah granted to us. I'm not whining here and wish that i'm an eagle. no i'm not.  I just hope that, a year after i posted this post (wataheck?), i would have a little bit of eagle nature in me. FREE BY FEAR. 

back to basic when the world dissapoint you

There are times that I lost faith in good deeds. sometimes, good deeds are repaid with nasty things. It seems that, people don't appreciate your concern. when people can't and won't understand the reason for your action.

But then again, I remember Allah. HE will never tests his servants for things that we can;t endure. When the whole world hates you for who you are, when people don't bother about your existence, feelings, hardship, sacrifices, remember,Allah is there for you.

Itulah makhluk species manusia kan. Hanya mengingati kekuasaan dan zat yang Maha Esa di saat dunia menghampakannya. Bukan berhujah, cuma mengingati diri jua. Agar pada masa mendatang kita semua termasuk saya, akan sentiasa bukan sahaja mengingati Allah, tetapi turut menyanjungi Yang Maha Esa setiap masa.

Dunia tidak melalaikan manusia. Diri sendiri yang terpikat dengan godaan bumi nyata. Nafsu kita sendiri. kadang kala kita terkeliru dengan  objektif,cita-cita dan kepercayaan kita dek godaan nafsu sendiri. Pada masa inilah kita harus ingat kepada beberapa  perkara asas dalam hidup :-
       a) melaksanakan perintah Allah S.W.T
       b) mengingati,mengagumi dan selawat ke atas Nabi Muhammad S.A.W.
       c) menghormati dan menjaga perasaan IBU kemudian ayah serta keluarga
       d) menjaga hubungan manusia.

sebagai manusia biasa yang lemah, diri ini selalu terkeliru. Ingin menceritakan pun dah terkeliru tapi yang pasti sha mmg keliru. Yang ku pasti adalah mencari jawapan dalam ketenangan ayat suci Al-Quran dan hembusan angin salju serta kedamaian ketika tubuh ku dibasahi wudhuk, dipanaskan dengan sepasang telekung putih lagi suci.

The Wonders That Thing You Do

hands down the mop. its flash mob time!

WOOT WOOT. wassup fellas sekalian......=) aih, feels like i'm talking to the mirror. why? coz still, at this point i still don't hv a SINGLE FOLLOWER.*kindda loser,i noe.*

but wattaheck la kan. sooner or later insyaAllah ada. so today, i discover something really cool.

FLASH MOB. you see,i've heard about this thing for quite a long time, but never really bother to check it out or anything like that. UNTIL TODAY.About last week, a friend of mine, told me that he joined this flash mob thing which was held in KL Sentral. They would go around and take pics of ppl *serbu yea* cm paparazi. but then, Malaysians got panicked. haha funny though. oh yea, and the police came. syukur alhamdulillah, nobody was caught*duhh,xde sape wat slh pn* 

Then, only today, br la tergerak naluri hati ini nak check out wattaheck is flash mob melalui youtube.

.......................................*the video you was on my previous post...................................................... 

SUPER DUPER COOL. it really is.*jom join teehee*


BUT FIRST! APAKAH ITU FLASH MOB?
  As usual.u guys kalau nk tau sesuatu mesti akan layari wikipedia kn. so do i.
  wiki mengatakan :-
            " A group of people assemble suddenly in public places, perform an unusual
               and pointless act for a brief of time, then disperse." 

But you know what, i don't think it is pointless. sebab, if we see at the vid that i post, we can see, the ppl are actually having fun by just watching it! Plus, it is healthy, in a way that, it doesn't waste your time gossipingn mengadap lappy 24/7. you actually go out and mingle! it is much better than merempit kan! so, what do you think? it seems cool kan!

Singapore Flash Mob Dance

As I'm Writing

By the time i'm posting this,I'm very so damn mad,annoyed and pissed off with Malaysian businessman who keep on cheating by selling low-quality product when you actually pay for a high quality product. man,is it so hard to be honest? You will only lose your customer. The benefit you gain does not last long. Temporary only. But if you sell things honestly, you will not just get God's blessings but also respect and of course more customer.Thus, businessman out there,PLEASE BE HONEST. it's really not that hard.

OMG Imma blogger

Bismillahirrahmanirahim.

Imma blogger! heck,i got too excited. To be frank, i don't know why i make a blog. Bored? err....ntah la.trying something new? maybe. shit,i really don't know how this 'thing' work. tekan-tekan aje la kan. haha. Though, I really hope this blog will last long. at least for 6 months.*i doubt so* well, let's see how long this blog will last. aish, u must be bored reading my post kan. whatever la, sape suruh bace.haha. no lah. thx 4 reading. i bet u guys reading my first n fresh post are forced by me kan. btw, i'm sorry for any grammatical error.*saya tidak pandai in-ge-ris* but heck, try je la. after all, my course requires me to have a good command in English OR ELSE. so,just bear with many -of - my-grammatical error ok! terima kasih daun keladi.